From the Heart
"A poem is the very image of life expressed in its eternal truth."
Percy Bysshe Shelley
The Waltz
Through past moons her pen spoke of aching hearts and troubled souls.
The path traveled yearned for peace, yet was met with storms so black one could not decipher what step would bring the light.
Forward, backward, side to side a waltz among the darkness led by those who forced to take the lead.
Spinning again and again until ripped from control, blinded in the black.
Spiraling in the chaos, forward, backward, side to side...
stop.
Caught quick by the steady hands that caressed her cheek with the softness of dandelions free in the breeze.
Darkness subsided and in its place the ocean waves, crashing gently along the cliffside.
The breath held unknowingly released to reveal the light, exposing a beauty foreign to her soul.
Pink, blue, yellow, orange danced along the sky as he took her gently into the clouds.
Forward. Backward. Side to side.
Into the bliss of eternity.
Sorrows
With damp eyes
She lays her head
Upon feathered caress
A droplet
Releases
From a corner
T
R
A
I
L
I
N
G
Down her cheek
A graze from finger
Wipes away
With shadow l i n g e r i n g still
For while the moisture
May no longer rest
Neither does
Her sorrows
Soulmates
How wonderful it is to exist in a lifetime where soulmates prevail.
Where the mere being of a person can fill your energy with so much light that you feel feathered in a wold of osmium atmospheres.
And not just that of the romantic sort
But those who see you truly
Where your authenticity radiates in the air you breathe
so much that you glow an aura of pearlescent white light cascading through any darkness
Suddenly it makes sense. The life you've lived thus far.
The understanding clicks as you look around you and witness the meaning behind the trials and tribulations.
They were all to get you here. Almost like an act of God.
You gaze around at the smiles that shine brighter than any ray of sun
Pure love and truth in each and every one.
They provide a space of honesty. Where you can truly be.
"You're not enough" that used to live so snuggly in your cortex
Is not welcome in the space where your soulmates create divinity, because they're family and cradle your soul safely.
A Field of Healing
The same way the Earth greets the waves as they kiss upon the sand, my heart greets the love from your soul.
Where I used to see muted tones as I walked through life, trying to find a spark in the world around me, you have created an experience of vibrant technicolor auras cascading through the air.
My life is beautiful with you in it.
These tears I cry that streak down my face, only for you to stroke them away with the touch of your loving hand, send themselves into my core.
And yet,
With pain and sorrow triggered by the desire for furtherance to experience the world even brighter than ever, comes growth. Just as the flowers of which grow from the ashes of a fire. Where I see darkness, you bring the color of a budding beauty which will soon become a field of healing.
The Dawn of February 4th
I wake up to the pitter patter of raindrops falling in the dim light of dawn.
My heavy lids fluttering open, just as the butterflies taking off in my stomach. I make out the outline of you, your breath rising and falling next to me; it catches mine.
An orchestra of tranquility.
A moment of beautiful peace that drapes over the demons of the world. A moment of beautiful peace that your mere presence has created. A scene of romance and emotion that one only hopes to capture in a lifetime, and here I was, living in it. Honoring it. Absorbing every second that it offered.
I didn't believe that anything else could eclipse that moment. I didn't believe... Until you turned to me, and smiled.
PTSD
Psychotic.
That's what you called me time and time again. When the jealousy peaked around the corners of my mind and my heart spoke out to gain clarity.
When I begged you to give me the reassurance that I was in fact, enough. That the words you wrote on my vanity mirror actually meant something to you... even though your eyes wandered on the streets and on the screens.
Threats.
I wouldn't find anyone to put up with me. That no one could be okay with who I am and what I offer. Threats of abandonment. Actions, of abandonment, each time you walked out that door without a word of comfort that you would be coming home.
Screaming.
In my ears from your mouth. In my head to my heart. Run far away, it said. To not ignore the red flags that I bleached white as I grasped so desperately onto a love that masked a horrifying reality.
Depression.
One so deep that I actually began to believe the falsities that spewed from your lips. The same ones that used to gently graze upon my skin.
I felt empty. I lost myself in the emptiness. Mask after mask, they did not fit nor did they hide the life I was living.
This wasn't the life I dreamed of. This wasn't the fairy-tale glossy child eyes searched for. This was a nightmare of pure darkness.
My therapist asked me about my sleep. They asked me about my dreams and my nightmares.
Instead I recited my life. They listened. They nodded. And when I was done, I saw them scribble on their yellow notepad, PTSD.
